Sunday, March 2, 2014

Family Fun 1

My family is an interesting group of cobbled together nut-cases that only barely know how to behave in public, with the exception of my mom who miraculously manages to keep us from going on a rampage of chaos.

But there are some times where even that Mom unit requires a break and responsibility falls on the rest of the oldest to try and stave off the hordes of darkness. Perhaps eight years ago this happened. Mother's Day.

On the off-chance that any of my family members happen to be reading this, I'm going to change names to protect the somewhat innocent. That and I don't want any of them kicking down my door in a fit of rage to wreak revenge. I might be flattering myself with the assumption that there is any respectable number of people reading this, but I'd just rather not take the chance!

So for the purposes I'll refer to the main character of this story, the oldest of my sisters, simply as The Fierce One. Trust me, it fits.

T'was Mother's Day, a nice peaceful Sunday where things were calm and enjoyable. Oh, wait, no, my mistake. That was for everyone not in my house. See, my family has done a good bit of foster care and adoption in addition to the kiddies we already have. I am the oldest of the clan, followed by my brother who isn't apart of this story but shall name The Stoic One, and then the third oldest and last of the genetic offspring, The Fierce One. We had at least four sprogs running around and it was up to my Dad, myself and The Fierce One to maintain order.

Now, for those of you who have little experience with young children, things are rarely calm. After you get enough of them for long enough, it is no longer simply a household. It's a POW camp for kids. The level of destruction some of these kids could wreak would have been impressive for a riot. They had the numbers advantage, not to mention my Dad and I are amazingly ADD, so it was a tad hard to focus.

Mom in the meantime was enjoying some well earned rest in the bedroom. The Fierce One in the meantime was getting rather fed up with having to deal with the Child Uprising and wished to have reinforcements. I should mention here that The Fierce One had a rather skewed perception of reality. If you ask "Could you help me move this?" she will literally hear "You don't do anything around here, now get off your butt and move this or else." and will proceed to fly off the handle. My attempts at selling her in the Arab harem market have thus been unsuccessful, presumably they have heard of her and are too smart to take the bait. Sigh.

Anyway, I was busting out old moves from my wrestling days, trying to subdue some child with debatable success, when The Fierce One throws up her hands and in the most dramatic was possible demands the presence of Mom to help beat back the hordes of children.
"Where's Mom? She needs to come out here and help watch the kids!" she fumed. Dad calmly replies "She's resting in the bed, its Mother's Day." I've got to admire the composure he had under the circumstances. However, The Fierce One didn't quite see it that way.

With absolute sincerity The Fierce One replies, all the while her head twisting back and forth in the most over exaggerated sassy way imaginable, "Just because it's Mother's Day doesn't mean she gets to sit around and do nothing!"
The look of incredulity on Dad's face was... amazing. He was utterly frozen with disbelief at the sheer gall of the comment. He almost bruised his dropped jaw on his boot.
"Yeah... it kinda does." he replyeth, having trouble confronting what she had just said.

Ahhhhh, just another day in the Cowboy's home clan! I'll recall a few more of these moments later. Enjoy! 

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