Monday, January 19, 2015

I can has Legos?

Let me bestow upon you listeners a tale of pity and woe, the likes of which have never before visited this earth, nor shall ye again!

Once upon a time I was a young lad, my dad returned from his rough iron working job with a strange and curious parcel on his person. And what should it prove to be? Why, none other than a box of Legos, the fabled and fantastic toys which all children aspired to own! What better toy existed upon this little mud ball save for the toy that invariably requires you to assemble everything by yourself in whatever fashion you choose? Nothing could be better!

So my dad, little brother and I watched as the pieces seemed to assemble themselves before our eyes and soon we had a wee truck, a gator and a little minifigure which brought us inestimable joy! Ah, but how long can a child's heart remain satisfied with but one toy? For it was not mine, but my dad's, and soon my heart lusted after a tiny set of my own. Even now I remember the exact set! It was of the Adventurers series with Johny Thunder, that dashing rogue with his swashbuckler mustache, Indiana Jones-esque motif and Egyptian theme as he got into a little jeep with a map, rifle and the objective of plumbing arcane tombs.

How pitifully I pleaded with my dad, exercising my powers of begging and innocent appeal to the utmost in hopes of wringing sympathy and five dollars from him with which I could satiate my intense desire! No child ever proved more persuasive than I was then, for not long after what should my dad produce upon his return from work? None other than that exact set which I so dearly desired!

And thus started a fantastic journey which my brother and I would undergo in which we would hoard pieces of plastic the way a dragon hoards treasure. For how could I receive a Lego set and not he? Soon my dad began smuggling us tiny five dollar Lego sets behind our mom's back, operating like smugglers in the dead of the early morning. Alas, our secret could not last forever. Mom possessed an almost supernatural ability to detect the most subtle intrigues. And my brother taddled on me. That might have had something to do with it too.

Even into my teens our collecting continued. The Lego company got more elaborate with its designs and themes, getting ever more exciting and intriguing! With whatever money I could scrounge up while being an unemployed youth I was still able to seize the sets I desired most, even completing the covetted Dino Attack series of the mid-2000's.

Ah, but the happiness was not to last! Our collection had become so vast that it took up a good chunk of room, requiring a huge plastic bucket and an organizing rack normally used for tool sets or parts. And then, one day when I was away and unable to defend my horde, my father engaged in one of the most diabolical escapades in the history of human depravity. During a yard sale he paid someone to take my entire horde!

I still haven't forgiven him. Words were unable to describe the passionate rage that shook my soul upon learning of his fiendish betrayal. Granted, some time had transpired since the last time I had utilized my assets, but that didn't mean I was completely done with them!

And so for years I've sat smoldering, plotting my revenge like the Count of Monte Cristo when locked within the bowels of the Chateau d'if. And at last my plans are being put into action! Racing through the UPS Delivery System at this moment is a package, containing within a set of highly desired minifigures and pieces with which I shall begin rebuilding my Lego empire! It is a small start to be certain, but all things that are great start off small, do they not?

So beware world, for soon I shall be bricking once more!

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