Monday, June 20, 2016

Overwatch Noob Assault

Well, it appears that I'm slightly better at some games than I first supposed. Met up with some pals last night who were playing the new MOBA game Overwatch. I'd heard of it but hadn't given it too much attention. Of course, these three were pretty good at it and were eager to get me into the craze. They set up another computer for me and soon I was in cahoots with one of my pals. Of course, the first character I tried playing as was the cowboy. Oh don't give me that look. He hat a frontiersman hat, poncho and a revolver. How could I not pick him?

Now, I know next to nothing about this game. I'm getting used to the controls and know only how to move and shoot, and what's more I'm playing on my friend's account who is a high level and I'm being set against players of equal skill, not a bunch of noobs like myself. I'm fully expecting to be a complete clown and earn laughs of derision from my companions.

Lo and behold, I start playing with remarkable skill. In my very first minute of combat I get two kills and lay down some deadly fire on all who show themselves. One of my friends gaped in astonishment as I outlived most other players on my team and was an active force that created quite a few problems for our opponents. I thought I was only okay, but apparently I did quite well.

So my game comrade decides we should have a duel in a custom match, just the two of us, both playing the cowboy character. Now, apparently he had a different idea  of what a "duel" was. So we spot each other at a distance, ponchos flapping in the wind.

"Well hello Eccentric, it's about time we me-" And he was promptly cut off as I shot him down in cold blood. He goes eerily quiet as my coach friend falls over in laughter. Apparently he wanted a classic Western duel whereas I was thinking of Thunderdome. Oops. Well, he decided it was time to even the score. No more pleasantries for me.

So we come at each other again guns blazing, not holding back, bullets whizzing through the air like a nest of angry hornets. And I still promptly riddle him with holes. I sense a disturbance in the Force very close by and my other friend is guffawing that even when playing against a veteran who was serious I still managed to slaughter him. Well, it went rather downhill for me after that. Boy howdy was he mad! Well, what can I say? I was still a complete noob so I feel no shame. But apparently he did.

Next match we use some weird character that I thought was a transvestite but was instead a bard healer character with sonic weapons. It was a bit harder to aim with this gun and he was sliding all over the place. So I did the natural thing when facing an opponent with extreme mobility and a rapid fire weapon: I got in his face and punched him to death. As he tries skating away I chased after him, pounding the melee key as my armored fist slammed into his face again and again as I hummed the Rocky theme. Again raucous laughter, as apparently melee attacks do jack in this game and this character regenerates like Wolverine. Man, my noob powers sure helped me out there! Apparently using characters in the completely wrong ways has its own advantages.

So, go buy Overwatch! Noobs have the advantage!

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