And I thought electric fly swatters were cool. Standing unmoving as a statue, eyes slowly rolling in my sockets, a drop of sweat running down my temple as the dreaded fly lazily hums around, waiting for him to come within range and whap! A swift swing, an flash of light and a loud crack! Fly gone!
But this? Now this is something else. I thought it existed only in legends, but it is true! A gun meant exclusively for killing flies, gnats and mosquitoes. Firing a charge of salt with compressed air with a daring range of three feet, it will evidently slay anything smaller than a hummingbird.
Folks, I need this in my life. I really do. Even now as I imagine having this plastic beauty cradled in my arms, I imagine myself going on a safari to South America, maybe the Matto Grasso, not to hunt the dreaded tigre or the mighty anaconda, but to slay the deadly mosquitoes! Or perhaps a trip to Kenya would be in order for the titze fly. Would look mighty proud hanging on the wall! Or do I truly need to go abroad to test this thing's mettle? Why not take a trip to the mountains nearby? The rangers might not look kindly upon me hunting buck flies out of season, but are they really going to confront me when I'm toting this beaut? I think not!
Or why limit myself to simple pest control? I imagine this would be a nasty surprise for the neighbor's dog that won't keep quiet or tax collectors showing up on your door.
The more I think the more I feel like I must one! How have I gotten along in life without it so far? I suppose it's like wondering how our ancestors got along without fire or knives.
Upon looking at this I've suddenly reverted to a giddy and mischievous seven year old kid. And it feels great. And now I know what to get my dad for Father's Day! Muahahaha!
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