Sunday, March 29, 2015

First heartbreak

The title pretty much sums it up. This post here is pretty much just going to be a venting session like you'd hear from a sad drunk. If you aren't interested in hearing me mumble over the lessons I've learned over heartbreak, then you'd best move on. But if you're wondering when I'll update another Weird West thing or write another book, you'll have to wait a wee bit. Aside from dealing with this emotional obstacle work has been saddling me with more hours than I ever wanted. Halfway through my shift today my back began burning like someone was holding a butane lighter to my spine and my back muscles were as taut as piano wires. Hard to concentrate with that going on!

Anyway, a month and a half ago I met this awesome gal who hit it off with me almost at once. I should mention that this was the first time I've ever dating the same gal more than once. I'm not exactly a kid, but for my age everyone has responded with astonishment at how little experience I have. I have no clue why, but I've always been terrible at trying to deal with ladies. None have ever showed the least bit interest in me, much to my mystification. And no, I haven't done anything creepy, at least not in my adult years. I'm respectful, kind, witty, funny, and one of the few true gentlemen most have apparently met. Whatever. This time things worked out at first.

This gal was my very first case of absolute adoration. She was my first kiss. She was my first steady date. She gave me my first glimpse of what it was like to love someone and be loved back. It's perhaps the greatest thing I've ever felt, and something I've always wanted. I'm almost the male version of your typical Disney princess, this innocent longing.

Sadly, this one wasn't destined to work out it appears. She has her own issues she has to work through and felt there was no alternative but for us to go our seperate ways when it comes to dating. Thankfully it's not a hostile parting. It's painful, but not foul or on bad terms. We're still darned good friends, but wow does this thing sting like a son of a gun.

It's kind of fascinating though. So many things from movies now make so much more sense to me now. A cool palm rubbing a cheek, the melting looks a couple gives each other as they communicate through just their eyes, the soft crooning voices as they cuddle, such wonderful things that before meant nothing to me, for I had nothing to compare to.
But now that I've had a taste, merciful crap do I want someone to love. Every time I look at a picture of a couple embracing each other it jogs my memory and my heart leaps at the short time I had.

Y'know what the worst part is though? I know that it could have worked out. There was something truly there, something we could have nurtured and blossomed into a beautiful future. I think that's what hurts the most, is that it could have happened...

Sigh. On the plus side, I'm handling it better then I ever imagined I would. I thought after my first breakup I'd spend the first month in bed sobbing while listening to Evanescence and Three Days Grace on an endless loop until I passed out from dehydration due to weeping. So far I've only actually cried twice and managed to still get stuff done. Still, this ain't fun. Breaking up sucks.

Well, life goes on. It'll take me time to recover emotionally, and knowing my luck, another decade before any young lady returns my affections and have another shot at eternal bliss. In the meantime I'm going to try and get more writing done, edit crap out, read more pulp and Weird West, etc.
Wish me luck on my search folks. I suspect it will be my greatest challenge.

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