The problem with sacrifices...

This is a quick joke story I came up with when driving with friends to an event and thought ya'll might enjoy it. Take a peek!
And for the record, I have been to the below mentioned con, so I'm throwing myself under the bus too. ;)

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A dozen robed figures stood about a brazier, casting lurid shadows upon their shrouded countenances. The room in which they stood was as dark as night. Feathers of smoke weaved through the slots on the brazier and into the air. The twelve figures chanted ominously in words no outsider could understand, bodies swaying from side to side like the swinging of a man in the gallows. On some unseen signal the group stopped and all heads swiveled to a thirteenth man who stood upon a podium. His chalky, gnarled fingers curled around the edges of the wood.

"My brothers, welcome. I have summoned you here today for a subject of great importance. The time of the Ascension rapidly approaches. But we have one massive obstacle yet to overcome." Murmurs passed from mouth to mouth. The thirteenth raised his hand.

"Yes, the final obstacle must finally be overcome. It can wait no longer. We need to find a thousand virgins to sacrifice for the Ascension."

"But where could we possibly find a thousand virgins?" balked one of the followers.

"We have so little time! How can we gather them?"

"I don't know, but we must think of a way! The Ascension waits for no one!" the leader boomed. A fourth figure raised his hand.

"Do the Rites say what manner of virgin must be sacrificed?" he asked in an inquisitive tone. A silence settled over the congregation as they looked to one another.

"They don't..." the leader admitted slowly.

"Then I perhaps know of a place where we can acquire a thousand virgins with ease!"

"Where? When? How?" the group demanded. The fourth who spoke reached into his robes and pulled out his i-phone. The screen glowed with brilliant illumination in the dark room. The device beeped and clicked as his fingers danced over the screen until at last he held it up for all to see. And there on the screen lay an advertisement for the Star Trek Convention.