Now there's an interesting find!

Was just scrolling through Yahoo news as once in awhile they have something vaguely of interest, and had the extraordinarily good luck to happen upon this little gem!
http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/outposts/post/132-year-old-winchester-found-national-park/

Now ain't that just plain neat? Not everyday you find a gun from another century literally just laying around!

What stories do you have to tell old timer?

Now anyone who knows Old West history even in passing recognizes this fellow as a good ol' 73 Winchester which filled quite a few saddle scabbards at the time. Most originals have ended up in museums and personal collections, since even the youngest of the Winchester originals are extremely old. But to just happen upon one leaning against a tree like its owner is just a few feet away waiting to retrieve it? Now that's plain cool!

I'm also astounded that it survived intact for this long, 132 years to be precise. Granted, it probably isn't going to be shooting ever again as I can only imagine what rust has done to the parts, but still! I believe the harsh, dry air of the territory has a bit to do with it, as it's hard for plant material to break down without moisture. Stuff fades slowly in that territory.

Man, I'd love to know this gun's history! All personal weapons have stories. The problem is that they need people to actually tell them. I pity the poor soul who used to own this piece, as it was cutting edge when it was manufactured! Did he leave it there and get distracted, unable to find it again afterwards and lament the loss of 25 dollars? Did he get ambushed and it went unseen by looters? Did something catch the fellow by surprise so abruptly that he didn't have enough time to snatch up his gun?

I'd love to know, and it seems like quite a few other people are curious too! The archaeologists who found it seem just as interested and are actually trying to find its history through old archives. I wish them luck in finding out! I'd certainly like to hear what they find!

Jim Corbett: The Greatest Hunter of Maneaters

Jim Corbett featured with a leopard

Colonel Jim Corbett is one of those rare men that accomplished such amazing feats over the course of his life that he seems almost unrealistic. There are action movie characters that pulled off less impressive deeds, and all without the aid of modern tech. No sir, Mr. Corbett was in my opinion one of the finest hunters that ever lived and an intellectual gentleman besides.

He is of course best known for tracking down and eliminating over twenty man eating leopards and tigers in his home region of Kumaon, India. To the uninitiated such incidents were far from rare in India at the time. India's history is plagued with such animals wreaking havoc on the citizens of rural villages. Us folks here in the States and urban Europe tend to freak out at a single shooting incident with less than a dozen people dying. Now imagine that type of terror magnified tenfold as an animal is prowling about looking for its next meal. You don't know where it is, when or where it will strike, and you know that until it is killed it will continue preying upon your neighbors.

Jim Corbett was one of the few men who not only stepped up to the plate to eliminate such troublesome beasts, but excelled at it better than any other hunter I've ever heard of. That's including such famous men as Colonel James Patterson who slew that Tsavo Man-eating lions or George Rushby who killed the Njombe lion pride, although those two certainly took a lot of skill and time as well.

Part of what sets Corbett apart was the uncanny finesse and skill he brought to the table not only as a rifleman but as a tracker. Almost like a pulp character he learned how to track from an early age while growing up in the jungles of Nanital. In fact he became capable of deducing an astonishing amount of information from various marks, to the point that he could actually differentiate between individual animals of the same species just by looking at their tracks. Nor was he limited to just footprints, but other marks also gave him clues. Indeed, he became so familiar with various animals and their habits that he could locate his quarry by listening to other wildlife. Frequently in his books he could pinpoint a man-eater by the alerting barks of deer or monkeys, knowing exactly how they would react to different animals.

He could almost seem to speak to animals in a very literal sense, as more than once he demonstrated that he could attract or redirect animals by mimicking their calls perfectly. Tarzan would have been most impressed at his skill set!

Also very pulpy in origin was his learning curve with firearms. In his youth he started out with a piece of crap double barrel muzzle-loader with one half completely disabled and thus had to use it as a single shot. The stock was even maintained by having wire wrapped around the stock! He was eventually able to graduate to a .450 Martini Henry rifle, then a double barreled 500 Nitro Express and finally a .275 Rigby, more commonly known as the 7x57mm Mauser bolt action. Not unlike Karamojo Bell he had to learn how to make every shot count when starting off with a muzzle-loader.

He was also quite the animal telepath. Throughout his books he has been routinely able to accurately predict the movements and behaviors of almost every animal he dealt with, although it was used to its fullest when bringing down trouble-makers. So well-attuned to nature was he that on one occasion, without seeing, hearing or smelling anything out of the ordinary he somehow knew that a troublesome tiger lay ahead of him along a bend in the trail he was traversing. Sure enough, when he took a round about route to get a view of the path from a different angle he found the foliage disturbed with the fresh tracks of a tiger.

Truly, Corbett had honed his craft to a science. And yet in his writing he seems in no way to be a braggart. As Peter Capstick so eloquently put it "The most common theme of his many books is a feeling of absolute truth." I'm well inclined to agree. The fellow just seems so sincere and honest in his writing that it's most difficult to find any fault with the man.

I'm only going to cover a few of his encounters, as covering even half of them would be to write down an entire book and a half, so hopefully you can bear with me and enjoy the highlights.

His very first hunt for a man-eater was not an easy task, as he went up against the Champawat Maneating Tigress, which had an official body count of 436. And no, that's not a typo! 436! She started out chewing on folks in Nepal until the Gurkhas had enough of that crap and actually chased the cat down south and out of their territory. Just take a second to appreciate how hard core that is. A cat that racked up 200 kills got booted out of an entire country by a group of men with kukri knives. Yeah, the Gurkhas are that awesome.

Gurkha soldiers and mercenaries have consistently been some of the most bad-a warriors in human history.

India on the other hand wasn't quite that appreciative of the accomplishment, as now an established man-eater officially became their problem. As it happens, most villagers in India are poorly equipped to deal with such problems, but who could blame them? Most were simple farmers tending flocks of cattle and fields, and weapons were a bit hard to come by since the British had done a good bit of disarming. Even when guns were present, which they sometimes were, few of the local men had the skill or will to fight what to many of them was a supernatural beast. That's when you call in a specialist.

Jim Corbett just so happened to be that specialist, and the Champawat Tigress would be the first in a long line of man-eaters he would deal with. It certainly helped establish a name for himself! Amazingly he killed this particular animal on his first try with the distinct aid of many of the local villagers. I must take a moment to commend how remarkable it is that people living in fear such as they were able to rally together and help in one monumental effort with one of the most terrifying animals to lurk in their generation with all of their faith hinging on Corbett and a government official. Even though a multitude of these gents were armed with firearms that they hid despite the British trying to confiscate them all, they weren't very good at all and were mostly utilized as noisemakers for the beat that took place. Thankfully though the official present not only said that he'd turn a blind eye to anyone who just happened to have a gun, but he'd supply ammunition for them as well!

For those of you who don't know what a "beat" is, it is a large assemblage of people walking in a horizontal line through a patch of brush and make a heap of noise to scare out any wildlife. It is dangerous even when not dealing with man-eaters, but these boys took to it bravely. Corbett and the official were supposed to reach a specific hill to overlook a canyon the tigress would have been forced to move down, but when the official stopped to fix his shoe which had been troubling him the villagers mistook it for his signal and started the beat! Things did not go all according to plan, but with some quick thinking the day was saved.

Taking as best a position as he could within a patch of grass Corbett's heart lifted when he saw the tigress bounding down the slope towards the gorge he had planted himself next to. But then the official blasted off both barrels of his shotgun, causing the tigress to swap ends and turn right back towards the beaters! Corbett let off a quick shot even though he knew he was out of range and was not unreasonably frustrated with the turn of events. However the natives, upon hearing three rapid shots, believed that the tigress had been slain and the resulting noise that they unleashed at that critical moment dwarfed what they had done before and half scared the tigress out of her skin and again switched directions! Bolting for the gorge again Corbett hit her twice, although the first shot was too far back and she showed no signs of injury at the second hit.

Surprisingly during this episode Corbett ran out of ammunition for his gun, three shots total, on the logic that he didn't think that he'd have the chance to fire more than that. And here is perhaps the only thing I can find that Corbett ever did wrong, that being not carrying sufficient ammunition. I'm probably going to be haunted by his ghost for saying that, and you don't question the authority of someone like Corbett lightly, but I've got to be honest here. This was to be only the first in several different encounters where insufficient ammo caused problems. Often Corbett's logic for carrying such small amounts were actually quite reasonable, but he apparently hadn't heard Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. And boy does that happen a lot!

Corbett was probably experiencing some extraordinary anxiety at this point, as the tigress was now looking right at him at only 30 yards away and was less than pleased at him plinking away at her flank. An empty 500 Nitro Express rifle isn't all that useful as a melee weapon and he was going over possible responses in his head if she happened to try and add him to her admirable body count. Again, for those who don't know, wounded animals are invariably more dangerous than healthy ones, as being injured makes them extraordinarily cranky and vastly more prone to charging and mauling an assailant rather than fleeing, as a healthy animal almost always will.

To his unspeakable relief the tigress for some unknown reason began to retreat across a nearby stream. Out of ammo Corbett asked the official to kindly come down and let him use his shotty, but the poor boy wasn't doing too well in the walking department and was unable to oblige. Having had enough of that nonsense Corbett flew up the hill, grabbed the barely weapon and bounded back towards the stream. Now desiring a rematch the tigress emerged from the foliage and out onto a flat projecting piece of rock in what probably looked like a very cinematic showdown.

Corbett ran until he was within 20 feet of her, which is 30 feet too close, but as he lined up the gun he saw that it had a wee bit of a problem. To quote him "And found to my horror that there was a gap of about three-eighths of an inch between the barrels and the breech-block." In layman's terms this meant that the weapon was dangerously unstable and was very likely to blow up in his face and blind him. But with a man-eater almost close enough to kiss he took the risk and let her fly. And yet the despite aiming at her mouth at such close range the weapon somehow, impossibly missed! Instead of going down her throat and into the internal organs it slammed into her paw, which he would later remove with nothing but his fingernails.

Thankfully the tigress had been bleeding badly from his earlier two shots and was unable to offer a rebuttal. Instead she slumped down and to Corbett's intense relief, expired.

The next big contender on the list was the Panar Leopard, who officially racked up a kill count of 400 hundred, only a short distance behind the Champawat Tigress. The writer and hunter Peter Capstick, when writing his own chapter on Corbett expressed skepticism over the accuracy of this number, since the chances of the body count landing precisely on 400 are extremely low and feels that it was rounded off so that bureaucrats would have an easy number to throw around. This is quite possible and even likely, but seeing as how the leopard itself was so inconsiderate as to not keep us posted, we'll just go along with 400 as well.

It is also interesting to note Corbett's own theory on why the Panar Leopard took to eating humans. Common theories today hold that most animals feed on man only due to old age and injuries preventing the hunting of normal prey, or a scarcity of their normal food. At first glance these seem rational as the idea of an animal enjoying the taste of human flesh is far from popular. Corbett theorizes that the Panar Leopard started off by scavenging those who had died from disease in large numbers, and when the outbreak ended the leopard had developed a strong attraction for humans and thus went from already deceased to those still living.

From a chronological angle this makes a good deal of sense, as the Panar Leopard began its reign of terror just after a deadly wave of cholera in that region of India. To directly quote Corbett "A leopard in an area in which his natural food is scarce, finding these bodies very soon acquires a taste for human flesh, and when the disease dies down and normal conditions are established, he very naturally, on finding his food supply cut off, takes to killing human beings."

Spooky stuff, but true! Like the Champawat Tigress, he nabbed this bloke on his first try, but the circumstances were very different. Whereas the tigress was killed in daylight with hundreds of beaters flushing her into the open, the Panar Leopard was killed in the depths of night while Corbett sat in a most unsatisfying tree while watching over a goat he posted out as bait. Now, sitting out without a light waiting for cat that has eaten roughly 400 people is unnerving enough, but things went a good bit worse than that.

Before settling down completely for that night Corbett had his men tie bundles of what he calls blackthorn shoots, which appear to be very stiff and pointy branches, around his perch and the trunk of the tree. This would later prove to be a very wise decision. And this wasn't a thirty foot tall oak tree either. It was a puny thing with one appreciable branch that wasn't very high off of the ground at all and gave Corbett almost nothing to hold on to. And guess what the leopard targeted first that night?

You guessed it. Rather than go for the goat our over-achieving friend went straight for Corbett. Thankfully the shoots kept the fellow from crawling up the tree, as any attempt resulted in him instantly getting a face-full of needle-sharp thorns. So the beast then bit down on one of the bundles and began yanking fiercely, trying to dislodge Corbett from his perch. In fact his position was so precarious that he couldn't even turn himself enough to fire his shotgun! And this was in the dark, where the Panar Leopard could see fine but Corbett was just about blind. In fact in anticipation of this he had tied a white rag about the muzzle of his gun so that he could see something in the gloom.

Corbett writes that the leopard's growling actually didn't unsettle him because at least then he knew where the animal was at. But when it was quiet? That was when he was darned near petrified. Not knowing where a man-eater is is a heck of a lot worse than knowing where it is! After a period of time where Corbett probably lost a year of his life due to pure anxiety the Panar Leopard eventually gave up and rushed towards the goat and gave Corbett the chance he needed. When the leopard killed the goat, which was stark white for the exact purpose of being able to make out better in the dark, Corbett fired and was rewarded with an angry grunt and the sound of retreat.

Corbett's men were soon there to help him down and asking him what happened and he had them make up a good number of torches to follow the animal up. This is not the easiest thing in the world to do. In fact if there is anything more dangerous than following up a wounded man-eating leopard in the dead of night, it doesn't immediately come to mind with the possible exceptions of playing Russian roulette with a 1911 or telling your wife/girlfriend that yes, that dress does make her look fat.

Lining up in a line behind Corbett with torches raised they set out to at least make sure the leopard wasn't dead and curled up within a short distance they set out. But like a horror movie monster the leopard wasn't dead and charged them from the deep shadows. Although his men promised not to run for the hills if the leopard charged, as that would leave Corbett in the dark, they turned tail and bolted. Well, they attempted to, but ended up bumping into each other in such a confused jumble that they either didn't go anywhere quickly or dropped their flickering torches and gave Corbett enough light to empty a barrel into the man-eater's chest.

Corbett is man enough to admit in ink that had he been one of those unarmed torch bearers he would have turned tail too. Hey, who wouldn't? He showed no ill will to his men and with the realization that the terror of the night was now thoroughly dead it wasn't long before the mood was lifted and the people of the region slept soundly.

Now, as if those weren't chilling enough, far worse lay ahead. Although the Panar Leopard had an astounding kill count it actually did little to gain attention from India at large. His activities were kept in the more out of the way areas and thus didn't disrupt much. The Leopard of Rudraprayag was a different story altogether. (Do you have any clue how challenging it is to spell that name from memory?!)

By comparison to our first two contenders, a kill count of 125 may seem paltry. Speaking personally, I believe the death toll was in fact much higher. Corbett explains the grisly census task of body counting and attributing kills to an animal requires at least part of the victim to have been found and brought to the attention of officials. As most of the folks there probably would not be inclined to follow a man-eater and poke at his lunch there were many kills that were unconfirmed and thus not added to the official tally. Corbett himself knew of many who died who were never actually listed.

It also didn't help that many victims were eaten in their entirety, clothing included, and thus left little for anyone to examine.

But the number of dead isn't what sets this animal apart. Unlike the other two, the hunt for the Rudraprayag Leopard lasted eight years! And during that time the people around the leopard's hunting range did everything that could reasonably done in an attempt to kill it short of saturation bombing. If there was an animal more hard to kill I haven't heard of it. These people tried everything. A detachment of Gurkha soldiers were sent to kill it. If you recall above, a group of these guys was amazing enough to make the Champawat Tigress move to another country entirely. The Gurkhas came up empty handed. Almost every single hunter in the country turned up to kill the animal. A sodding bounty was placed on its head.

In eight years only one man besides Corbett actually injured the thing in any way, and that was a revolver bullet creasing his toe as he shot across a bridge at night. When guns in the hands of hundreds of hunters didn't work people literally tried bomb traps and even dousing the bodies of kills with cyanide! All sorts of kookie traps and schemes were attempted, but all in vain.

Wolverine wasn't this hard to kill. So you can understand when the people in the region were paralyzed with fear and considered the beast to even be a devil or demon. And this was in a much more busy region. If I recall correctly this was around a road that was frequently used for a mass pilgrimage by tens of thousands of Indians. You can imagine how well this went over with a hungry leopard on the prowl. If you thought the stakes in the movie Jaws were high, you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Corbett himself utilized a heavy duty American gin trap, one of the few I've heard of that actually had teeth on the jaws, cyanide capsules, gun traps, and even had one of the few if only other hunters he trusted to assist him, a fellow by the name of Ibbotson. Corbett almost never had other people accompany him when actively hunting for several reasons. One was that they almost invariably slowed him down, being clumsy and not nearly as adept in the brush as he was. Another reason was that they were in some cases almost as dangerous as the animal's he was trying to kill. In an earlier attempt to kill the Champawat Tigress another fellow actually tried tagging along, and on their return trip the fellow was waving his gun wildly behind Corbett, who expected a bullet in his back at any moment. He then tried switching positions, figuring he was safer behind the man. That was until the bloke slipped and for a brief moment Jim was looking straight down the barrel of his gun. He wasn't so hot on having company after that.

Corbett's prolonged effort to kill this one animal took months and involved so many bizarre twists and turns that it required a book of its own! I don't even know where to begin with how difficult it was to nail this animal. Perhaps I should start with just how cunning and devilish of an animal it was. The fact that it was an unusually strong and powerful animal takes a backseat when hears accounts of how overpowered it was in the stealth department. The animal had killed and taken people from inside their own homes with other people present and not being spotted.

Actually, I don't think I can actually do the justice of reciting the feats the Rudraprayag leopard accomplished, and will instead direct you to Corbett's writing itself below. That entire saga really is just too epic for me to even attempt to retell.

So for now I'll stick with saying that the game of cat and mouse that went on between Corbett and the leopard could have made an entire season of a show. Each came within a whisker of killing the other multiple times and was often by a queer twist of fate that death was avoided. It was almost uncanny just how lucky the bloody thing was, and even now I can scarcely believe that the creature had dodged death so consistently.

Even so, if an opponent is the measure of a man's mettle, then I'd say that Corbett was the best hunter of man eating cats this world has ever seen, putting even the famous Colonel John Patterson, the slayer of the Tsavo Man-eaters to shame. It took every shred of Corbett's wit, marksmanship, and bushcraft to nail this animal, and even then it took many months. At one point his nerves were so shot that he actually had to pack it in for a little while and recover. He knew that if he kept up at the pace he'd been going he would have ended up dead.

When he eventually did slay the Rudraprayag Leopard the territory went into a frenzy of joy with many people believing him to be a sadhu, or saint. Now that's a pretty epic title, hunter saint!
The leopard itself was most unusual. It was actually a giant as far as leopards go. Between the pegs it measured seven feet and six inches long. According to Peter Capstick, any leopard measuring at just six feet will get you a near invincible title in the Rowland Ward sport records, so you can imagine that extra six inches being amazing. His pelt was unusual. Perhaps due to old age his hair was short, pale and brittle. Even more unusual was his entire mouth and tongue being completely black! This might be a result of having ingested such large quantities of cyanide, as on at least one occasion he ate an entire body that had been given many times more than the minimum lethal dosage.

Contrary to popular theories regarding man-eaters, the Rudraprayag Leopard wasn't a broken down animal. Although certainly old with worn teeth, he was actually unusually healthy for his age and much stronger than normal. It's actually unnerving how many man-eating cats I've read of who actually become healthier after a strict human diet. Brrrrr.

Corbett had plenty of trouble with other tigers as well, of note being the Thak Man-eater who pulled her own Tsavo stunt by paralyzing a railroad crew with terror and temporarily shut the operation down. Most tigers become shy and paranoid after being pursued which makes them hard to scope out. The Thak tigress however seemed rather contemptuous in the face of confrontation and actually grew cranky when the railroad workers tried scaring her away with shouts and noise. She just held her position and began roaring until the air stank of fear and urine.

Now, you'd think that after dealing with animals that killed well over a thousand men that Corbett might hold a bit of a grudge against big cats in his home country. Ah, but being the enlightened sportsman he developed no such hatred. On the contrary, when the villages continued to expand and the wildlife became persecuted he was one of the first to step up and try to secure strongholds of nature to be conserved. Like Theodore Roosevelt, he was one of the first men of the century to champion conservation and even got an entire nature park reserved in his name which stands even today!

Although best known as the slayer of man-eaters, and not without reason, Corbett was a gentle soul who loved both men and nature. He was a gentleman of the truest sense who's skill set was almost unrivaled. He is one of my personal favorite heroes and even in this day of technology and distance from danger his work still has relevance.

His writing is still around and has thankfully been put up online for all to enjoy. If you have any interest in his writing of any kind I heavily encourage you to look at it. They aren't meant to be action packed thrillers, but is rather frank and straightforward. The amount of information contained inside is a veritable treasure trove to those who can appreciate the words of such an experienced man. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have! :)

https://archive.org/details/TheTempleTigerAndMoreMan-eatersOfKumaon1954
https://archive.org/details/TheMan-eatingLeopardOfRudraprayag1947
https://archive.org/details/TreeTops1955
https://archive.org/details/maneatersofkumao029903mbp
https://archive.org/details/MyIndia1952

I might later do a post talking specifically about man-eaters of different types and titles, examining their causes and how they were dealt with. But for now bask in the glory that is Jim Corbett!

The Tragedy in France

I'm going to try and keep this brief and blunt since I've only just heard about it and don't know all of the facts, but I feel it important to throw my hat in the ring.

First, keep the victims in your prayers. It grieves me that people that simply try to make jokes have been targeted and massacred. It also angers me like you wouldn't believe, but we'll get to that. These folks didn't deserve this.

Second, I hope that the militant Islamist scoundrels that did this get tracked down and get what's coming to them. If they don't get riddled on sight then I'd settle for a public execution, preferably by hanging. There truly is only one way to deal with things like these, and I refuse to call them men, because actual men don't do things like this. The solution whenever this happens is to track down those responsible and make sure that they can in no way ever do this kind of thing again. Prison for life won't cut it either. Y'know why? Cuz they can be broken out and wage war again once free. Nope, the only rational solution is to execute them post haste.

These freaks need to understand that if they do this anywhere, it's a one way ticket. Not likely given how some of these countries operate, but I can hope. French forces, I wish you the best of luck in your hunt.

Yes, I know darned well that not all Muslims are radicals, but it's extremists like these that are giving the group a bad name. If you happen to be Muslim then call these guys out for what they really are: Radicals that do not represent you and that you despise just as much as everyone else.

Us average people usually aren't in a position to directly clash with terrorists. They don't want that. They are cowards and shy away from fair fights. By definition they wish to spread fear. Every time you feel afraid to speak about something because you're worried they'll strike, that's them at work. So how does your average Joe truly fight them? Simple: Say whatever you want anyway.

These creeps hate that other people have such rights and the only way they know how to deal with that is to spread fear. If we don't give in and continue exercising them to their fullest, then the actions of the radicals are truly in vain. Don't let them control what you can and can't say. Don't let them dictate what can be done. If you do, then you give them power. I vote that we don't do that.

Heck, that's why I'm writing this article. I'm speaking out against these creeps directly. They're cowards and scum, and they know it.

People of France, I weep for you. I'm sure there will be plenty of more tears in the future, as evil creatures such as these can't be eradicated completely, but their actions can be mitigated.

I may right more on this when more facts come out and I'm secure in them, because there are a few more elements that I wish to address.

In conclusion, don't give into fear. Spread the love you feel for your fellow man in any way you can, regardless of where you are. It's far harder to be kind than to be aggressive in times like these, and I plan to spread love and cheer wherever I can. I hope that more of you will do the same.

The Battle of Five Armies movie

Hoo boy! I can't believe that I've waited so long to comment on this.

As I'm sure most of you have picked up on the third and final Hobbit movie was released last December and you can bet that I was giddy at the prospect of getting a viewing in. Even with my passion for literature I've found that I have surprisingly little interest in fantasy at large. In fact, the only two fantasy series I've ever actually gone out of my way to read would be Tolkien's work and Conan. So when I take my dad hostage to try and get into the theater for something, which is once in a blue moon, that should say something.

There are some spoilers ahead, but try not to worry. This won't be like some other of the reviews I've done which cover every nook and cranny. I mean, if you don't know the basic outline of this story, ya'll need to pick up a book... Anyway, this is more a collection of my thoughts on what I liked and didn't like rather than a step by step review.

A lot of people were down on the first movie for being supposedly slow and having little going on. I was one of those few that felt immersed and enjoyed almost every minute of it, but wow this last movie makes up for whatever lack of action the first movie had!

I mean... wow! I honestly can't think of another movie with more action than this. I'd argue that the majority of the screen time is taken up with swords clashing and arrows twanging. And it's good action, not the fluffy incomprehensible stuff you get with some movies. Ah, but don't be fooled! This is no mindless action romp. This movie has all the emotional impact and depth of its predecessors.

Thorin has had a steadily building arc, starting with him being tough at first but showing that he had heart and dignity about him but began to be followed by a decline once they enter the shadow of the mountain. It is beautifully demonstrated how the lust for gold gets a hold of him and twists his once noble nature to one of blind, bitter greed. The imagery and sound that accompanies him on these twists in turns in this movie are really something to behold and there is never a dull moment.

I've gotta praise the handling of the people of Lake Town, as neither the original book or Rankin Bass movie really seemed to capture the true sense of desperation these people feel after their town is destroyed. Okay, not totally fair, as the book did a good job, but wow does this movie strike home. It doesn't feel like so many bad disaster movies where buildings crumble and people get crushed. Nope! Here it actually feels like people who are afraid and devastated, wondering where they'll find food and shelter before the onset of winter takes its toll. It really does feel like a band of refugees in the wake of a disaster.
Although it doesn't technically contribute to the story, a few of the things Bard tends to with the people does add another layer of reality to the atmosphere. We see him giving orders, having people scavenge supplies from the floating wreckage or trying to tend to the injured, of which there are plenty. Maybe it's just me, but I really felt like jumping in and lending a hand to the poor folks. Good work director team! :)

Because lots of other things are taking place here, we actually don't get to see nearly as much of the dwarves as in the prior two movies. I did however find it mildly amusing that Bombur didn't get a single speaking line after all three movies. ... Huh. Should I be sad that I can name and identify almost all of the dwarves on sight? Man, I need to get a girlfriend...

Where was I? Ah, and of course Bilbo is still wonderfully portrayed and doing his best to work behind the scenes to avert upcoming disaster. Here they keep darned close to the book, as Bilbo has the Arken Stone but doesn't yet give it to Thorin as he sees the greed corrupting his friend and debates what to do about it.
The tension is built to a beautiful climax when it finally comes to a head. Thorin really does come to the point where you'd be worried sitting in a room with him and are afraid to speak for fear of throwing him into a rage. He becomes apathetic and paranoid, to the point where you could see yourself really setting yourself against him.

There is a brief little scene however that I really did appreciate and helped relieve some of the tension while also adding more character. When Thorin catches Bilbo peering at something he at first assumes he is hiding something of value, but in reality it is just a small nut that the hobbit pilfered from Bjorn's place that he plans on planting in his garden back home. For just a few minutes Thorin's haze fades as he remembers the simple charms of life and we really see the two connect. Sure, it's a quick little thing, but it was really nice to see. :)

One thing I was wondering about in regards to that whole Five Armies thing is that Bard was supposed to lead an army of men. Seeing as how his faction consisted of a bunch of tired fishermen armed with gaffing hooks and gutting knives I was curious to see how that would work out, since that's more of a rabble than an army. Yet they actually make it work rather well. Although not a conventional battle group Jackson certainly makes them seem like a frightened but determined group ready to do what they have to in order to preserve their families. You really do get to feel for these folks. And my heart leapt when the women actually picked up arms and went to go kick some orc arse rather than cower and await death. You go girls! Woot woot!

Overall actually I'm quite surprised at the rather low scale of the fight, in regards to the size of most of the armies involved. Dain of the Iron Hills arrives not with an army either, but what looks more like a company of one hundred and thirty guys. Granted, these boys are armed to the teeth and work like a well oiled machine, but there's just so few of 'em! Thranduil doesn't exactly bring a giant contingent either.
Azog on the other hand... Wow, this guy pulls out all the stops. Say what you want about him, he knows how to organize a war party and work tactics! I'm actually impressed at the strategy and maneuvering he employed. For example, to help split up the loose alignment of elves, dwarves and men Azog sends a large chunk of his force into Dale where the families of the fishermen have taken shelter, forcing them to run off and intercept them, leaving the elves and dwarves to deal with the rest of the orcs.

Divide and conquer. Azog certainly makes a darned good commander. And yeah, he has a huge advantage in numbers, not to mention he takes the other guys by surprise with some very cunning troop movements. And the trolls with catapults on their backs? Now that's just plain cool! What else could you ask for?

And if you happen to be a hard core traditionalist who shrieks in indignation at the slightest variation from the original narrative, then you might actually get a kick out of the ending. We actually get some decent closure with Bilbo returning to Hobbiton. If you haven't read the book, then you probably don't know that since he was away for so long his dear loving neighbor's assumed he was dead and auctioned off all of his stuff just as he waltzed back home. Hoo boy, if there was ever a bad home reception that was it!

I remember actually being in the theater seeing him back in his old neighborhood and said aloud "Are they really going to... Oh my gosh, they are! We're gonna see Bilbo's house getting looted!" I was rather amused that they took the time to show us that bit, heh.

Ian McKellen, the actor of Gandalf, poor guy, must be exhausted. The dude has been breaking his back with these movies not to mention the last X-Men movie. He's gotta be feeling the need for a vacation. The fellow has certainly earned it! He of course was nothing but superb in this flick, bringing us Gandalf like no one else can. :)

I think the only thing that wasn't actually resolved was the disappearance of Thorin's father, Thrain. I could be wrong, so please correct me if I err, but I do believe that Thrain was actually being held prisoner by the Necromancer at Dol-Guldur and driven half mad. It might be in the deleted scenes, although I somehow doubt it. Of course, no one is going to be bothered by that besides weirdos like me who know the story inside and out, so I'm not exactly upset over it.

I do wanna call out the only major problem that I found in Desolation which made me pause when it came to a head in this movie. The whole "dragon's can only be killed by a windlance" thing always bothered me. It felt unnecessary and kind of shoved in, along with changing the history of the black arrow to have been a special dwarven crafted weapon. Apparently Balin was full of it when he said there was no other way to kill a dragon! Cuz guess what, spoiler warning, the windlance crossbow doesn't get used. Good riddance to the thing. Nobody wanted it anyway.

And I think that's about it! I had a lot of fun and will not hesitate a moment to purchase it when it comes out on DVD. But it is well worth watching in theaters. So hustle up and go watch! :D

Merry Christmas to all!

That awesome time of year again that is loved by all except for spoil sports, whoo!

Sorry for the lack of updates lately, but I've been busy busy. Trying to get my story edited and cleaned up and at the same time I've gotten my old job back, so free time has been kind of restricted lately.

Even so, it's awesome to be where I am during one of my favorite times of the year. Time to be thankful and take joy in giving to others!

Take care all! :)

I'm definitely on the Naughty List...

Y'know guys, I consider myself a good big brother. I share my stuff, try to be cuddly, give them treats, teach them lessons, watch things with me, give them gifts just out of kindness, all those good things. It doesn't always work though. Being the oldest of the litter, whose size would impress a clan of rabbits, you get to know quite a few things about kids and how to deal with them. Some are happy to comply and do what you say out of respect, while others just do the opposite out of spite or because they haven't yet gotten it through their fragile skulls that you know more than they do.

Just the other day I caught two of the sprogs sticking their tongues to an active light bulb after one of they burnt their finger against the thing. They aren't exactly on the same intelligence tier as the raptors from Jurassic Park. Then again, those things didn't cause as many problems.

Well, today I did something rather drastic to help rein in the insanity in hopes that I could get at least one of them to live long enough to see their next birthday.

I may have let slip that they had better behave or they'd have to face the wrath of the Krampus.

Those of you who know what I'm talking about are either facepalming in sadness or laughing like the sadists that you are. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, Krampus is basically the Germanic anti-Santa. No, he's not a Nazi pilot and Santa's arch rival from the December Bombing Raids which crippled supply lines, although that would be awesome. Rather he's a genuinely evil looking critter who goes around at Christmas time snatching children who are behaving particularly bad, rather than giving gifts.

Talk about positive and negative reinforcement! If kids won't stop trying to swallow a cactus covered in bullet ants because you told them not to, then the next best step is to scare them into listening it would seem. I now heavily suspect that 95% of folklore monsters were invented by parents trying to keep their offspring from accidentally offing themselves. Interesting stuff, what?

Well, I'm off to spread some good deeds. Gotta restore the balance enough to get back onto the Good List! Ta folks!

Turok: Son of Stone Movie

Darned right a legend is born

Who doesn't love Turok the Dinosaur Hunter? People who don't like fun, that's who! The Turok franchise has been an interesting study. It's one of those unusual concepts that refuses to die and keeps getting reincarnated in different forms yet never gets the true appreciation it deserves. Kind of strange, considering how long this guy has been around.

Turok started out as a simple comic in the fifties where Turok and his younger friend Andar find their way into an isolated canyon that still has ancient wildlife still surviving along with what basically amount to cave men and have all sorts of adventures. I've gotten ahold of the first batch thanks to the Dark Horse Omnibus setup they've been doing, but so far they have been underwhelming. The art is nice but the overall feeling of the stories is very mellow. There is rarely a sense of urgency or any sturdy plot. I'm hoping they get better structured later on.

Most people know Turok through the Nintendo 64 video games which I myself enjoyed the crap out of as a kid. In that setting Turok was changed to a special dimension-traveling warrior fighting sentient dinosaurs and all kinds of other imaginative enemies. And boy was that glorious fun!

Other comic variants have been released over the years, often dealing with dimensional shifts, lost worlds and other mind-bending concepts for the sake of awesome. But always it's Turok doing what he does best: Beating up dinosaurs with anything he has on hand. Really, he deserves more recognition than he's gotten! I mean, a Native American traveling between dimensions to fight sentient dinosaurs with alien-esque weaponry? That's one of the most awesome things I've ever heard of!

Ah, but not too long ago dear Turok has been finally awarded something long overdue: A movie! I'm sad that I hadn't heard about it before, but better late than never I suppose. I have to give thanks to Prehistoric Pulp for mentioning it on his place, otherwise I might not have heard of it.
http://prehistoricpulp.blogspot.com/2007/10/saurian-safari-by-chris-peers-2002.html

But yeah, you can bet that I got myself a copy as soon as I heard of it, and I gotta say it was a fun watch. This flick is basically a combination of the old and new comics to create yet another incarnation of Turok, yet it doesn't feel like an annoying retcon. It carries a lot of spirit in it which is what I think really carries it through in what might otherwise be a dumb cash in. But let's take a look at the details!

We start off meeting three characters: Turok, the obvious protag, his brother Nashoba, and Catori, their mutual lady friend. All his fun and games for a little while as they frolic through the forest, laughing and having a good old time. But this doesn't last too long as they run into some enemies of their tribe. This is where we get the impression that this incarnation starts off in our timeline, perhaps the early 1800's due to both technology and the appearance of the Native Americans, as they seem to take cues from actual dress and hairstyles. I could be wrong on the styling however, so please correct me if I am wrong.

Things go downhill pretty quickly as the small group of enemies want to show off their fancy cutting objects to Turok and Nashoba's insides and to take Catori for some personal time. The leader of the band starts off by throwing his tomahawk at Turok, but the teen shows some remarkable skill in grabbing weapons out of the air like a champ. This shocks not only everyone watching, but also astounds Turok himself! I get the impression that he, his brother and Catori are only teens at this point, so it w

Turok then quickly lays waste to the four guys in a ghastly display of brutality, and this is when you learn that this is most definitely not a kid's movie. Holy crap no. One guy gets his arm slashed off at the wrist and we get to see it spin majestically through the air in a spray of blood along with its owner splashing face first into the river. In fact this might very well be the most violent cartoon since the 86 Transformers movie. And we all know how that one went...

Rest in peace Prowl, rest.

This is just the beginning though. Although a novice in warfare, Turok is apparently the physical incarnation of destruction, as the second the fight starts he lays waste to them by pure reflex. When they are all dead his brother lays a hand on his shoulder, which proves to be an unwise decision, as Turok is still in a blood frenzy and slashes Nashoba to ribbons. It's only after Catori tells him to knock that crap off that he realizes just how bad he has screwed up and comes to his senses, bringing his brother back to his tribe where the local medicine man patches him up and tries to keep him from keeling over.

Turok's father, the chief, is meanwhile discussing how his son screwed up a little bit but that the guys he slaughtered were their hereditary enemies and that they should chill, but the shaman believes that Turok possesses a vicious warrior spirit. I find it hard to disagree with him, considering how he fought before. "From blood follows blood" he says, and deems that Turok should be exiled, believing no good can come from having a blood-crazed fighter like him around. Turok is then banished and left to survive on his own.

We cut to the future where a young man is running through the woods and stumbles into Turok's current home, a charnal house out in the boonies surrounded by pelts, rotting meat and bones. On his own Turok has become a fierce and deadly warrior, but he is extremely bitter about his banishment and seems to take his anger out on anything stupid enough to be within the same dimension as him. The young man reveals that his name is Andar and that he is Nashoba's son and Turok's nephew. There is a wicked fight coming up and Nashoba who is now chief wants his brother to return and help them.

Turok is still a bit annoyed with that whole exile thing and declines, feeling that he has no ties to his tribe any longer. Andar returns to his family sadly and prepares for the upcoming fight. Catori tries convincing Nashoba, her husband, to simply beat a retreat so that they can build a life for themselves elsewhere, but he declines. He's determined to defend his home to the death. For good luck she gives him her hair clip. Let's just say it's not as lucky as everyone hoped it would be.
Remember that whole river massacre before? Well, it turns out that the prediction of a blood feud resulting was true, as they are now back for revenge. Hard core revenge. We see both groups line up along the river at the same site as the battle years before.

The defenders start off with a salvo of arrows, but they only succeed in hitting the dirt. Wow, someone was slacking off on archery practice. Not Nashoba however, as his arrow strikes one of the other dudes clean in the chest and kills him. Nashoba is awarded +25 XP for scoring the first kill of the match. The bad guys however have a very slight advantage in the form of muzzle-loading weapons, probably traded from white explorers from another territory. This is also where we get to meet our villain of the movie, Chichak and he is a very worthy bad guy! Wearing a head-piece made from the horns and scalp of a bison, he opens up a salvo that devastates Nashoba's defenders and even wounds him in the arm. They are astounded at this display of firepower, showing that they've never seen guns before.

From here things go downhill faster than a communist economy. The bad guys lay waste to the tribe, shooting and slashing like crazy. Chichak rides into the fray on horseback, sporting a pair of pistols and what I believe is a rifle. This guy is a frigging buzz-saw, as he cuts through the good guys like a scythe through dry grass. Even without his weapons he is proven to be quite deadly. Andar is kind of terrified at the battle raging around him and is just trying to survive when he runs right into Chichak who grins and says that this is no place for a child to be. As he begins to fire his pistol into Andar's face Nashoba teleports over and gets into a wrestling match with Chichak. It doesn't last long as the bad guy uses his pistol like a club, bludgeoning Nashoba's already wounded arm, blood spurting at every impact before firing into his chest.

Andar hightails it out of there and collapses just inside of Turok's camp. He knows this doesn't bode well but also seems to rouse his sense of honor. Without a word he takes his bow, arrows and tomahawk that he took from the enemy tribe all those years ago and runs to the scene of the battle with Andar thrown over his shoulders. He hauls arse over to the battlefield only to find just about his entire tribe slashed and gutted, with his brother mutilated and strung up against the bole of a fallen tree. Shockingly Nashoba is still alive. Turok cuts him down and his brother says that if he could have he would have tried to keep him around during that night years ago, and that Chichak is going to their home to slaughter the women and kids. Turok swears to protect Catori and Andar just before Nashoba dies, dropping Catori's hair clip from his hand.

Turok heads off to get some vengeance on and Andar tags along, rightfully wishing to protect his mother. We cut to Chichak and his entire retinue of victorious warriors... both of them. Okay, for some reason at the village Chichak has only two guys along with him to loot the place. I've gotta be honest, I have no idea what happened to the rest of his guys. I don't think those are the only survivors because they were wrecking pretty well. Nor do I know what happened to the other villagers. Maybe they were all rounded up and taken off by the bulk of the victors and the guys left just wanted to loot and destroy. Whatever works.

So they set to burning the tepees when Catori runs out of one of them. Chichak somehow knows she was Nashoba's wife and runs her down on horse back. He swiftly picks her up and begins crushing her torso with his forearm. She screams in pain and he ominously whispers into her ear "Your husband screamed too." Now that is some good villain dialogue!

Suddenly a figure begins to emerge from the inky smoke and Turok walks into the open like a boss with Andar close behind. He demands that they drop Catori and leave while brandishing his tomahawk. Chichak's eyes widen and demands to know where Turok got the weapon from. He says that he took it from those fellows from the beginning and then killed them with it. Chichak hisses that it belonged to his father, pretty well showing off his motivation.

The two nameless warriors lunge at Turok with their own tomahawks and we get a superb example of how to use slow motion as Turok grapples with them, butchering both in a manner of seconds. Slow motion is used very well in this movie along with the audio which helps amp up the tension. I especially like the slow-mo when the guns are used. They actually show the hammer striking the frizzen, igniting the powder and showing the battered lead ball fly out. Very dramatic and effective! I can't recall slow-mo having been used in any other movie or show in this manner. Maybe it has, but I've never seen it and it works especially well here.

Anyway, Andar tackles Turok just in time to keep him from being shot by Chichak and a chase ensues. The chase takes them to a narrow canyon which seems to have gone unexplored to everyone. I'm just going to assume that they are somewhat aware of it but stay far away because it is pretty spooky. The place is covered with broken bones and is eerily dark. Chichak still has Catori who is fighting like the dickens when Turok and Andar show up on their own horse. Chichak holds the woman hostage during a brief face off when they are interrupted by a frigging terror bird emerging from the shadows and decapitating Turok's horse in an unnecessarily brutal manner. Good grief!

Turok and Andar try killing the nasty bird while Chichak knocks out Catori like a jerk-face and drags her into the nearby cave, being the only direction left. Andar shoots the bird through the frigging eye while Turok buries his tomahawk into its flank up to the hilt, which kind of convinces it to stay down and quit fighting back. They gather themselves and go into the cave after their enemy and emerge into a land completely different from their own.

Flying reptiles sail through the sky and dinosaurs thunder across open plains and thick jungles. They pick up pretty quickly on the fact that this place is a wee bit different than their nick of the woods, but don't let that stop them from trying to peel Chichak's skin from his bones.
They quickly pick up the trail and spot Chichak chasing down Catori in the distance across a field and Turok gives chase, hopping along the backs of anklyosaurs like a complete boss. Not sure how Chichak got his horse back though. And I know, I know, there technically weren't grassy fields in the dinosaur ages and that there are names for those periods, but I'll be darned if I'm going to look up those complex names while writing about a comic book character in a cartoon. Just comfort yourself in knowing that dozens of species of plants and animals separated by more than a hundred million years are all interacting without rhyme or reason. Weep paleontologists, weep!

Anyway, it looks like Chichak is about to get ahold of Catori once again when a frigging ginormous Carnotaurus bursts from the foliage and realizes that it absolutely must sample these curious two legged critters at all costs and the chase begins!

So the chase leads Turok, Andar and Catori over hill and dale taking turns being near bitten by Carny and shot at by Chichak, eventually resulting in our three heroes floating downriver on an uprooted tree. We then get a scene that I really like as they try to comprehend where they are and passively observe the brutality of the world they've entered, concluding that it is a place known as the Underworld. Fair nuff given the circumstances.

But the reprieve doesn't last long as an elasmosaur smells some fresh humie in the water and wants to get a good taste of that. Man, maybe cannibals are onto something, because humans seem to be the most tasty thing in the frigging planet. Anything that eats meat sees a human and will stop at nothing to get them! Okay, I'm just making fun. It'd be kinda boring if every predator saw a human in a story like this and just shrugged its shoulders and moved on.

Turok of course isn't going to take any of that lying down and we get an awesome fight scene, half of it taking place underwater. I really have to hand it to the creators of this flick, they really do a good job! Our hero frigging shoots the beast with his bow while under water, and while I checked to see if that was possible, apparently the animators were operating on the Rule of Cool, so any argument against the physical feasibility of archery under water is rendered invalid. Take that physics!
Turok gets a few gashes along his ribs and retaliates by straddling the thing's neck and de-spining it with his tomahawk like a boss.

The obscene amount of blood released attracts the granddaddy of all mososaurs which decides to help out with that elasmosaur problem, but decides it also wants to add our heroes to his diet as well. But they make it to shore and the beast retreats into the depths. Aaaaaaaand then our heroes are instantly found and captured by a group of people that look remarkably like themselves but riding upon terror birds and wearing dino-hide clothing! And what's more, they bear the same symbol as Turok's tribe! Dun dun duuuuun!

Meanwhile, Chicak has buggered off from the earlier river and is cruising around on his horse, finding a strange rock formation that is honeycombed with tunnels and stumbles upon what he takes to be an abandoned child. In the first and only case of him showing any sort of respect for life he dismounts and attempts to talk with the kid, but it turns out she's not quite what he was expecting. We then see he is surrounded by a freaking huge number of overweight neanderthals with spikey teeth and the IQ of Youtube commenters who bludgeon the almighty crap out of his horse and set upon Chichak, almost ripping his arms off. Man, horses do not do well in this place.

Before Chichak is de-limbed the obvious leader of the cavemen comes out muttering gibberish, and Chichak breaks away for his rifle and puts a bullet in the leader's gut. Of course these guys have freak strength and endurance, so that doesn't knock the leader off that easy, who charges down ready to show this newcomer who's boss. Chichak is forced to fire before he is completely done reloading, meaning that he shoots the ramrod instead of a bullet which frigging impales the caveman's head in one of the most gruesome images I've ever seen in a cartoon. Good grief this is brutal...

Anyway, guess who is now in charge of the cavemen? Yup. They basically regard him as a deity and even begin bowing before him.

Meanwhile Turok, Andar and Catori are brought to a cliff dwelling which is populated by a people remarkably similar to themselves, speak the same language and are presented under guard to the leader of the Cliff People, Sepinta. We also get a pair of supporting characters. There is Koba, who is a frigging ripped warrior with an awesome double bladed bone spear and Aniwa, a capable gal who rides on terror birds and is darned deadly with a knife.

They tell Sepinta that Turok is a human buzz-saw, having single-handedly massacred an elasmosaur which brought a mosasaur to finish it off. This kind of weirds them out, as this is not unlike someone using a 22 caliber rifle to bring down an Apache helicopter.

Sepinta doesn't know who these people are or what they're about and is understandably suspicious. She even mentions that they've never seen others of their own kind in this strange land. It's heavily hinted that they are in fact a branch of Turok's tribe, having somehow entered this place long ago. They even have the same phrase "From blood follows blood."

Turok just wants to frigging leave and is a bit grating but Catori is able to persuade Sepinta to allow them a test to prove that they mean no harm. So Turok gets to go on a fun fetch quest before he can use any of the buildings or trade with the... wait, nope, that's my fanfiction RPG. Sorry!
But he does get a fetch quest.

Koba leads Turok and Andar to a nearby mesa which towers high into the sky, scaling it partway before Turok volunteers to go the rest of the way. All he has to do is get an egg, but as you might imagine it's not nearly that simple. Turok starts leaking a good bit of blood from where the elasmosaur grazed him with its teeth but he keeps on, finding a good sized egg at the top and putting it in a specialized satchel. And then come the pteranodons! Things aren't as easy this time because Turok doesn't have his weapons, so he proceeds to frigging fistfight with the fliers. Again, props to the animators and sound department, cuz when he lands a punch it feels like it has impact. It's like watching someone pound a nail with a hammer.

Andar begs Koba to help, but he declines, saying that this isn't his test. Andar isn't exactly up to the challenge himself it would appear. Turok, then being awesome, hijacks on of the pteranodons and uses it as a glider. In an epic display of his awesomeness he actually forces it so high that they clear the clouds and witness the sky above before he steers it right to the front door of the Cliff People and snaps the animal's neck like a Kit Kat Bar. Oh, and he got the egg too. Fetch Quest completed!

Turok finally gets to get patched up and his little group is accepted into the tribe, Party time!

Elsewhere Chichak is undergoing his own sort of initiation ceremony. Within the dank caves of the cavemen they engage in a gristly meal, tearing chunks of flesh from bone while Chichak sits upon a small throne and also wearing the horned headpiece that the former leader wore. It's no accident that it is similar to what Chichak wore before entering this place, which was from a bison. He sits there brooding, looking over the brutish creatures he now commands when one of the women offers him a big hunk of meat. At first he declines, saying that he doesn't eat horse. She doesn't understand him, and confused keeps offering it to him. He accepts and after taking a bite comments that it's not too bad.

But just outside the cave we see one of the neanderthals cooking and eating the body of his former leader, very heavily implying that Chichak unknowingly just engaged in cannibalism. This also serves to illustrate some of the differences between him and Turok, who do share a strange similarity in their capacity for violence. Chichak has fallen in with a group of brutes who are callous and uncaring, reveling in gore. Turok on the other hand has allied himself with a dangerous people, but who also enjoy the lighter points in life, having a structure and customs.

Anyway, the Cliff People party and we see Andar and Aniwa beginning to bond. Turok manages to recover from his wounds quite quickly, but is very withdrawn and at first doesn't engage in the revelry. He leaves the cave he is given and strays away from the heart of action, looking over the edge of the cliff and beyond.

Here he is approached by a strange, masked individual who asks Turok why he is alone there. Turok counters, asking why the stranger is hiding behind a mask. The stranger persists in an innocent way and Turok says that the darkness is where he belongs, hinting that he isn't necessarily bitter at other people, but that he feels he is an outcast and doesn't belong with others.
In a really awesome line the shaman replies "And you say that I am hiding."

Andar and Aniwa find Turok and drag him back to the fun, but as Turok looks back he finds that the shaman has vanished. You wouldn't think it, but this movie really does have some subtlety and character focus.

Meanwhile Chichak tries to get his affairs in order and tries to communicate with the cavies that he wants to find other people like himself so he can brutalize them. Of course they don't understand him, having no real language. In a burst of savagery that is shocking even to them Chichak shoots one of their number in the head with his pistol, and using the blood paints the symbol of Turok's tribe on the wall, demanding to know if they've seen it.

Their reaction is almost instantaneous. The animators do a great job of conveying a look of surprise, recognition and understanding on these very inhuman and savage faces. Good work guys! But they begin barking and pointing in the same direction. Chichak then smiles. He's still got a score to settle.

Next day we actually get a very pleasant little montage as Andar and Catori interact with the Cliff People. It's one of the few scenes that isn't heavy with dread or violence. In fact, I consider it to be a very important scene as it not only allows us to take a breath but shows how the two cultures are beginning to meld. In the commentary the developers comment that this helps establish that while this land is dangerous it's not a bad place to live. There are moments of calm and happiness. The Cliff People don't regard it as being cursed or trying to escape. They've adapted and managed to find happiness even in this territory. All too many things with dinosaurs portray the place as grim and almost apocalyptic. Here we actually get a very nice middle ground. It is dangerous, it is harsh, but it is also their home and they can live there. They've adapted their cultural outlook and thinking to the land and have become stronger for it. Now that's awesome. :)

While this is happening Turok is still very distant, standing off to the side and not engaging much with anyone else. As night settles in Sepinta visits Turok in his cave, returning his weapons as a sign of respect and trust. Sepinta is slightly upset when he informs her that he plans to take Andar and Catori back from where they came from. Sepinta then gives a great speech, saying that his spirit mirrors the land unlike that of any other person she has ever met. The ferocity of his spirit made him an outcast in his former life, but in the Lost Land it makes him an asset. In a figurative and literal sense he was born for this place. This is a concept that resonates strongly with me. Although he wasn't born to this place he understands it and belongs there.

Turok however shrugs off her belief, insisting that he has no home. Sepinta is visibly hurt and you can really tell that his words cut her pretty deep. I really like this scene though. Like a lot. This is perhaps what elevates this movie from a bunch of violent schlock to being a genuinely good movie.

Night settles and a strange figure stalks the bridge that spans the canyon that separates the dwellings of the Cliff People from the rest of the Lost Land. He silently butchers the guard and then two others before signalling across the expanse. Oh yeah, Chichak is back and he's brought friends. One of the caveguys bursts in on Turok and we proceed to have a pretty epic fight scene as the cavemen wage war on the Cliff People. I can't even describe the carnage that takes place in this battle. Well I could, but that would be doing a disservice to it. Cuz holy crap, this is some of the most almighty violent stuff I've ever seen.

In the end Koba is tragically lost, holding off a small army of these buggers on the bridge by his lonesome, racking up an amazing body count. But it's clear he can't hold forever and Sepinta can't bring herself do cut the bridge, and Turok does it for her. He and Koba share a brief moment of eye contact where Koba smiles and nods, giving Turok permission to basically kill him. Even as he tumbles into the abyss he is still killing his enemies in a death grapple. Pretty epic stuff.

Chichak managed to get across to the other side and laughs horribly, telling Turok that he has not yet won and that he will be back to finish them off. Sepinta and Turok look back to see the cliff dwellings in shambles with a horrifying number of their people dead. Pretty darned grim actually.

In the aftermath of the battle the Cliff People are understandably upset and start turning on Turok, knowing that Chichak has come because of their new bestest buddy. Before they can act on mob mentality can fully take over Sepinta speaks up and reminds them what the heck their symbol stands for and how they had better darned well remember who they are.

Sepinta then organizes her people to move to another territory far out of the reach of Chichak and the cavemen where they can't be pursued. It also turns out that the Cliff People have domesticated a wide variety of Pleistocene animals as war mounts and beasts of burden to carry all of their stuff. For such a smart and capable people, you'd think that the cavemen would be on their heels, y'know? Sure, they are harder to kill than cockroaches, but for being so stupid the cavemen apparently have the advantage of numbers and are mostly overweight.

Just a minor complaint, but I think it would have been smarter to take the fight to the cavemen while firing arrows from the backs of mammoths and terror birds. Really, the Cliff people have the major advantages: Crude but effective armor, war mounts, superior weapons, tactics, strategy and a high level of coordination. Ah well. It's not a huge problem, but it did kind of stick out to me.

Anyway, Turok decides that he's going to take the fight to the enemy, going on alone to kill Chichak before he can give any sort of pursuit. Andar and Catori also inform him that they don't wish to return to their old home, but want to stay with Sepinta and the other Cliff People. This honestly doesn't seem odd to me and shows how adaptive they are.

Turok takes off, fueled with purpose and still keeping his promise to his brother. If Chichak dies, then the fighting will end and the others can live in relative safety. He slowly treks back to where they first entered the Lost Land and takes to observing the Carnotaurus, and to his surprise finds that it is actually a mother. He watches it feed its young, the one time the animal isn't trying to kill everyone. It's quite fascinating really, as the two do share a sort of kindred spirit. Both are brutally efficient killers, but at the same time both have a soft side. They watch over those they care about. Just because they are predators does not make them monsters and actually adds an odd level of personality to the Carnotaurus.

Of course while watching this Turok gets a bit sidetracked and a caveman lamps him over the head with a piece of stick. Oops. He wakes up inside one of the caves surrounded by the knuckle draggers and is approached by Chichak who has now reacquired his fathers tomahawk. This is a really tense scene where the two for the first time talk without trying to murder each other. Well, kind of. These two guys are intelligent and vicious warriors with a blood feud, each having killed the family of the other and have nothing but bad blood between them.

When reminded of his brother's death Turok loudly proclaims that Chichak murdered him, and Chichak, having the best lines, replies "Then why were you not fighting by his side?" Ouch man, ouch. You've really got to hand it to this production, they know how to make a great villain!

In a frigging cruel move even for this movie Chichak shoves his hand inside one of Turok's wounds to torture him, trying to figure out where the Cliff People have gone. Like the audience he has reasoned that these are descendants of Turok's tribe, and being a genocidal warlord plans to finish off all remnants of the group. Turok refuses to spill the info though, even when his rival whips out a knife and starts slashing his chest open.

The torture continues until he slips into a delirium, his mind churning over the events that have taken place in a rather trippy way. But we also see the return of the mysterious shaman who explains that the Carnotaurus kills because it is a hunter, that is what it was made for. Then in his dream the shaman removes his mask, revealing him to have the face of Nashoba and asks "What were you made for, brother?"
Man, I've got chills just typing this scene! I am honestly not doing it justice, because it truly does help define Turok as a character. There is a lot of metaphorical stuff going on here but wow does it carry weight. Is the shaman a real person or is he simply Turok's manifestation of guilt, trying to define himself and his purpose in life? Surprisingly heavy stuff.

Turok regains consciousness just in time for his rival to throw Andar before him, who had followed, wanting to help his uncle. Andar kinda feels like dirt for getting captured and it's kind of hard to blame him. At the threat of seeing his nephew cut open at the point of a knife Turok finally gives in and reveals the location of where the Cliff People are going. Personally I would have lied, but that doesn't seem to be Turok's thing.

Chichak gathers his forces and leaves two guards to watch over his prisoners. Andar feels even more like crap as he now feels pretty heavily responsible for the massacre that is going to take place, but Turok tells him to buck up, that the spirit of his father and he are in him, that he has great potential and that now is not the time to get depressed, but to escape and deliver the most epic arse-beating of the century.

He has almost freed himself from some crappy rope and Andar acts as a distraction, flopping around and yelping on the ground in a way that is honestly hard to take seriously. The two cavemen are kinda distracted by this, allowing Turok to thoroughly crush them both. Things still aren't done though, as everyone else has a huge head start on them and he is still pretty badly injured. But this is where things get even more ridiculously awesome, as Turok squeezes his wounds, letting the blood dribble from his palms and onto the ground, reciting the phrase that keeps coming back to him "From blood follows blood." His heart fired with new found purpose and embracing his warrior spirit Turok prepares for one of the most epic things I've ever seen in cinema.

Sure enough, the Carnotaurus picks up on the bloody scent and begins tracking him, but he's got a plan. Instead of getting eaten like a wuss, Turok has a spear with a long thong of leather tied to both ends and actually turns it into a set of reins and makes the Carno his steed. Andar hops on as the two charge ahead for the final showdown.

Ahead on a narrow cliff ledge Sepinta is trying to keep everyone moving, as the animals aren't faring well. Catori then runs up, finding that her son is missing and that Sepinta hasn't dispatched any of her warriors to try and find him. Catori is understandably upset over this and proclaims that if no one else will look for Andar then she will. Sepinta doesn't even flinch, stating flatly that she will die. Apparently Catori was bluffing as she backs down and begs for help, but Sepinta knows she can't spare anyone. It's hard to blame her. She's in a tough position. They just suffered a pretty epic beating and dispatching guys for a Saving Private Ryan mission is likely to cause more trouble than it would solve. She really does kick arse.

It's then that the cavemen appear on the upper level of the cliff and start raining down boulders and spears on our hapless heroes. After leaving the bulk of them trapped the cavemen race down the slope in a really awesome skateborder way while Chichak systematically annihilates anyone he comes into contact with. Sepinta and Catori tap into their Legolas skills, shooting back to back with bows while the bodies pile up around them.

In a nasty turn of events they are separated and one of the cavemen is about to bludgeon Catori, but before he can Chichak, yet again displaying his contempt for life, shoots his own dude just so that he can get credit for the kill. Most guys on online gaming consider this a low thing to do. Ah, but before he can finish her off who should appear?

Why Turok and Andar astride their new house pet! The watchers are understandably taken aback as the fight gets even more intense, what with this trio now turning the entire tide of battle. Andar completes a nice character arc, going from cowering in fear in his first battle to helping save Aniwa as her terror bird is killed beneath her and the two proceed to carve a path of carnage through the cavemen with nothing but their knives and sheer awesomeness.

Then just to be a complete jerk Chichak shoots Sepinta in the back of the head with one of his pistols, ending her once and for all. Poor lass! Turok doesn't appreciate this and the two officially throw down, punching the crap out of each other and grappling. Turok however is still pretty weak from having been cut open like a cow carcass earlier and isn't able to quite fight at full strength, while Chichak is still in fairly good condition.

Turok manages to retrieve the signature tomahawk as he is knocked away and the two face each other down. Turok has his melee weapon and Chichak has his pistol, everyone else just watching. Thinking he's got this in the bag, Chichak fires but only grazes his opponent, but with a really awesome slow mo effect and twin streamers of blood flowing from the graze wound. Turok then sends his rebuttal, throwing the tomahawk and lopping Chichak's head from his neck. Ouch.

His head topples from his shoulders to the ground, only to be followed a moment later by the Carnotaurus crushing it beneath its scaly heel. Now that was a gruesome end! For a moment the Carno and Turok look into each other's eyes, either facing down or sharing some sort of strange moment of connection before the beast pursues the now retreating cavemen.

The battle finally ends and the threat of Chichak at last ended but at great price. The movie ends with Sepinta's body being laid upon an alter with her clothing and weapons, the newcomers now fully accepted into the fold and reciting the motto of the tribe, at last setting her body ablaze in remembrance.


Folks, I really like this movie. The first time I saw it I figured "Yep, that was a decent action flick." and thought that was the end of it. But I kept feeling myself drawn back. For a little while I was baffled, not sure why I was so interested in re-watching what at first glance was a pretty simple and mindless cartoon. This is one of the very few times that I actually watched not only the behind the scenes stuff but the commentary track as well. I had to crack this riddle and find out why I liked it so much.

A surprising amount of depth had been put into this, turning it more into a character oriented story rather than a simple "Man fights beast in lost land" shtick. There is a lot of subtlety to the three main characters and are supplemented with a truly chilling villain. He's now one of my favorite bad guys! Granted, the characters are fairly simple, but they are solid. You get their deal and come to really like them. I was sorely tempted to describe Turok as being a simple grumpy, angsty killer without any deeper meaning, but that simply wasn't the case. It was only after digging deeper that I was able to break down the elements and see how this guy really became solid.

The creators of this really knew what they were doing, making it go far enough in some areas but not so extreme as to be come unrealistic. It's actually pretty impressive how they did some really exciting things but almost all of them within the realm of physical feasibility. With maybe one or two exceptions Turok doesn't do anything you couldn't potentially do in real life. Granted, he is meant to be something special, a guy with a feral spirit in him who can do what few others can, but it's not to the point of him being super powered. In that sense they were very mature in showing restraint, which I think was a very good move.

They also did a good job with pacing, which isn't always easy in a movie. This movie feels rather long, but in reality is only about 70 minutes, barely over an hour. They get a heck of a lot done in that short period of time! Really, nothing is wasted. It's tight with little to no flab to weigh it down.

The animation is a bit simplistic but it really lends itself well to action and there is a lot of detail if you know where to look for it. For example, I really like the clothing of the Cliff People, being very interesting pieces made from dino hide, which really appeals to me. The weapons are imaginative too. Also, gotta call them out for this as well, they understand that muzzle-loading weapons aren't semi-auto. All of Chichak's guns are fired after an appropriate amount of time for reloading, which is sooooooooo rare in this kind of stuff. Granted, he almost always load off screen, but considering that loading a muzzle loader is one of the most time consuming things with guns, I don't blame them for that. A good user can fire three shots in a minute. Do you really wanna stop the action to watch him do that? Do you really? Didn't think so.

The audio also sticks out to me as well. Great attention is given to proper sound selection and placement, often giving some scenes some real weight when the action is going on. Or also grossing you out. I had to chuckle during the commentary where one cliff guard is impaled through the torso by Chichak and you hear him gurgle wetly and one of the commentors says "I think that's the grossest sound in the whole movie." Another chuckles in a morbid way and replies "Oooh no, there's more coming!" It's also nice to see creators have a sense of humor about their work. They actually make fun of a few things and couldn't help but smile.

And cuz I'm in no mood to stop praising this thing, they have the best usage of slow mo I think I've ever seen in a movie. Granted, I haven't seen all that many movies and slow mo tends to make me zone out, but here it is wonderfully utilized.

With very little time and a small budget these guys did just about everything right and churned out a legit good movie. I'm not saying that this is an award winning flick that changed the lives of millions, not at all. But it is a well made, well paced and well executed film with Native Americans and dinosaurs, harking back to the original comic series and updating it without losing the spirit of it all.

I'm actually annoyed with myself for not having heard of it sooner, cuz wow.
And with the holidays right around the corner this would be a perfect time to give it a look see, seeing how cheap it is! Wink wink nudge nudge. So if you have a friend who likes comics, dinosaurs, retro games or just has a sick sense of humor this would make a good stocking stuffer or drive by gift.
And no, I'm not getting paid to recommend this. Trust me, I wish I was! I could really use the cash. But for now I'll have to settle for the warm feeling in my heart at thinking people will enjoy watching this. Sorry for having gushed so much, but... it was fun!

http://www.amazon.com/TUROK-SON-OF-STONE-Various/dp/B000ZBEOGK